WHO I AM

my scruffy shoes on your doormat
wiping up my dirt just where i shouldn't
then walking barefoot on your precious rug
but even if i look apologetic i will enjoy it.
i've been walking barefoot all my life
the summer bit my soles the sands at my toes.
and this thought ate me all night long.
cuz when the night's falling, i wasn't as cold
remember when the sun was hard the days were long
i had been walking barefoot all my life
why cant i just quit walking barefoot now?
cuz now im rid of any thoughts for lifetime
no more candles burning in the night
now i am a shining a light on your face.
its a dark defined constellation
galore contemplations
cuz im a shining light in the darkest night
no matter who dies tomorrow i am the shining light
we are a connection, my dark defined speculation
cuz i am the shining light there's nothing that i cannot do
no star in the constellation, i shine most bright
driving in the celestial night
cuz i am the dark defined shining light.
and ill ride by the winter on a star
with my scruffy shoes on the carpet
and my head floating in never-ending space
my toes buried deep in the sand
and my head bursting with a thought
that contemplations lead to nothing
but for what it's worth
i am your dark defined scruffy light.
and ill ride by the winter in my scruffy light.
-tq

the night is still dark
the rain hasn't stopped lashing.
my coat is drenched and heavy
and my eyes washed with the downpour.
the world has been locked away somewhere
the lights have all blinded me.
promises have ceased to exist
and the past has eventually caught up.
but why do you sound perplexed?
why the sudden anxiety?
didnt u think i would survive?
or do you lose faith in yourself?
you were always self-absorbed
in your own deceitful world.
it was only a matter of time that u noticed
noticed me standing alone.
and offered to stand by for a while.
it was a while for you.
and a lifetime of memories for me.
a moment of company for you
but a lifelong misery for me.
though i have been through the likes of it before
dont bother about how i will fare
go back to your subservient world
leave me with my own axe to grind.
i cant decide whether i must be happy
happy that you gave me such joy
or cry that its all over.
that it could end so soon?
now i may stand lone in the rain
while you're safe and sheltered
and far away to bother any more.
far away to turn your back to me.
i can survive in this thunderstorm
the way i have all these years
i dont need your concerns to guide me.
i dont need for you to save me.
i am but a mortal.
in my hands are not punishments
but i am not saint enough
to even provide forgiveness.
but know this the way you have harmed
my conscience and my soul
so will revenge be rained on you
the way these drops lash on me
so will you pay for throwing me away
you will amend by the count of tears that fall off me.
-tq

turning around when i dont want to follow,
shut my eyes to the obvious.
do you want to order me around?
you dont control my reins.
i can kiss concern goodbye.
walk around every bend i want.
can lose myself into oblivion
without your sought after permission.
i will bang the table when i want sound
i will clean my muck on your rug.
i will laugh away your precious care.
i will do what pleases me today.
now im sick of you bossing me here.
and i have the keys to life
i dont need for you to preach me
now that i feel im happy being what i am.
your stares dont scare now
your attitude doesnt deter me.
i live the life i want to live.
and i dont want your indulgence.
i hate what u made out of me.
and i just want to break free.
be what i am what i want to be.
your tears wont break me.
im fed up of giving myself up to you
im not answerable to you.
i dont care what becomes of you
just let me be me.
i dont want to look back on the past.
cuz ur suddenly not there
i hate the word promises
and i loathe to think u exist
i dont ever want to face you now
i can pass you up anyday.
tq......(under construction)

there is no title to this blog i am not in the mood!!!!!

dusty roads leading away from torrents,
pattering raindrops on my window bid me goodbye,
is this the end? i wonder to myself,
will i never return to the place of love.
where i felt at peace with the world.
thru a constant wash of tears.
i try to remember every corner
of the place i call home.
like a young child leaving his home
i silently weep to myself.
monsoon melts away every lane i called my own.
the heavens cry as i leave home.
to trudge along a different street.
the street not my own.
but times have changed a lot.
and this is wat shud b home for me.
fighting against myself i resign to fate.
to the place of no rains.
where the sun drains every nerve out of u.
to the place i must struggle
to find a place in an even more hostile world.
where blood has no worth.
relations long forgotten
where pieces of paper rule the world.
but i was happy with my dusty lanes.
the endless mazes round mountains.
the hot coffee at the corner store.
the place i call home.
i dont want to chase unreal dreams
i dont want to run down fantasy lanes.
i dont want to lose myself in the crowd.
i dont want to be a part of the world.
i want an identity, a real facade.
i want to be myself not change for sumthing else.
i want to be free to chase my dreams down memory lanes.
i want to feel loved and cherished, not paid.
i want to go home..................to where i belong.
to the dusty lanes n hot coffee
and endless monsoons n cold evenings.
to the red suns n soaking wet returns.
to the mountains where i belong.
to the place i call home...........

break away

When did we break away?

Was it you or the other way?

What has suddenly come over us?

We seem close and, yet, far away.

it used to always remain the same

,only time has eroded us away.

When suddenly I was here and you were there

The rift has now come to stay.

We don't seem to fit anywhere.

And i feel i can go nowhere.

But you seem blinded, night or day.

You dont realise what has come our way.

Is that why life has its way?

Is this why we must stray?

or just a delusion on my part?

Maybe we were always this way.

Maybe you were always apart.

maybe you never were there.

Just maybe you never cared enough,

And that's why we seem drifted away.

-tq

hope

When the world falls down,

And hope breaks apart.

When tired arms stretch heavenwards,

And lost souls to the sky depart.

It may seem like all is over,

But don't give up, not yet.

For i see a tiny glimmer

A shining star after sunset.

Of long forgotten precious hope,

That sets a sparkle in your eyes.

And i know that you will pull through,

And never let the flame die.

-tq

LIFE

A touch to feeling,

A thought to meaning.

What life did hold,

What left untold.

That i may say

I worked all day.

And reached the goal,

The sorrow unfold.

But sights are down,

All haze around.

And yet, here's dawn,

For i still carry on.

-tq

my biggest mistake

That same feeling comes back again,
when blinded by dark and unknown turns,
I still tremble forward, feel the way,
and call your name but none returns.

That i am stranded again, all alone,
not knowing if i proceed or recede
and unexpectedly finding blind curves,
I try, in vain, to rise against defeat.

It's all changed, the feeling more deep.
Cuz now i feel more alone than before.
The short span of time i had support.
You were there with me, but not anymore.

You pulled me through the darkest of days.
You bore, relentlessly, my anger, my pain.
You stood by me in all i ever did.
And guided me on the right, again & again.

Provided me a strong pillar of support.
To whom i could look up for strength, anytime.
And still i didnt stop to think even once,
why i blamed you for everything, everytime.

I know it's my fault, i pushed you away.
I blamed you for times you couldnt be there.
I know deep down you're worth even more
but your absence is a thing i still cant bear.

I know im being punished for pushing you.
Maybe that's why you're suddenly this far away,
and i cant hope to reach you by any means.
Living without even your voice everyday.

Regret is now inadequate, remorse lesser still,
I know I cant hope to pull through anymore.
Im sinking into it more as time progresses,
cant pull to safety any stronger than before.

But for what its worth, i hope you will forgive,
cuz i inch forward to the edge gradually
and try as i may to pull towards safety
I need you to pull me up, eventually.

I have been selfish, unreasonable, nuisance, lately.
I can only hope for any reprieve after this.
But i still need you despite all that has happened.
My grasp on sanity, it's a chance i cant miss.
- tq